Post Your Hoss Quotes Here!

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Post Your Hoss Quotes Here!

Post by CowgirlAtHeart » Fri Apr 07, 2017 10:05 pm

Jan and I need your help! We're getting together lists of quotes from each Cartwright to have as a reference here on Boomers.
So if you have any HOSS them here! Please include the episode titles along with the quotes.
As people contribute quotes, I'll edit them into this first post so we can have all the quotes in one place.
Thanks a million! :thankyou
"Hop Sing, you know you can't do that! Why if you left here, I'd waste away to a shadow! You know that!” (A Rose for Lotta)

"Pa, I'm powerful hungry! I ain't had but a couple or three breakfasts since mornin'.” (A Rose for Lotta)

"Pa, you know he's tellin the truth. He ain't no liar, pa!" (A Rose For Lotta)

"C'mon Little Joe, she's not for you. Stuff your eyes back in your head, they're about to pop out." (The Sun Mountain Herd)

"Well, I reckon that's the way it is sometimes. You-You look at a cactus, and you see a rose, 'cause... 'cause a rose is what you want to see. I don't reckon there's anything wrong with wanting to see something good and pretty. Sometimes I even do that myself. I get sort of lonely like, and I look for good and pretty things." (The Newcomers)

To Adam, about Joe: "That boy's got a lot of grit. One of these days, he's gonna be able to whup that Frenchman." (The Julia Bulette Story)

“Ma’am, my brother Adam always knows what’s best.” (The Saga of Annie O’Toole)

“Mister, you're the biggest flannel-mouth liar on the Comstock.” (The Philip Diedesheimer Story)

"You can sometimes forget the pain, but you can never forget the love, ever." (The Philip Diedesheimer Story)

"What about it? Any of you got guts enough to stand up and take sides? . . . I an't gonna bother askin' you again, Mr. Carter. You tol' my pa when he saved your life that you wasn't gonna be fergittin' it. Pretty hollow soundin' words, ain't they? . . . I ain't gonna do no more beggin'." (Vendetta)

"Mr. Pryor, when I came in here, I was asking for men to step forward. As far as I'm concerned, you're the only man in the whole room." (Vendetta)

To Joe: “What’d you do to him? He was fine when I gave him to you.” (The Last Hunt)

Speaking of the knife next to his head: “Joe, did you put this here?” (The Last Hunt)

"Now, I can't hardly wait to be an uncle. Teaching the little fella how to rope and rein his pony and all. I'm going to buy him his first one. A chestnut with a great, big Ponderosa brand right on the hip. He's going to be real cute." (El Toro Grande)

"Looks like you already done it, Little Joe!" (El Toro Grande)

"Come on, Little Joe, can't you load no faster'n 'at?" (Desert Justice)

"That'll keep 'im busy till spring." [laughs] (Desert Justice)

When Andrea says Americans make things happen quickly: "Well, ma'am, I—I reckon you could sorta chalk it up to our weather." (Desert Justice)

"Yes'm, y'see—we got so dang much weather out here and so dadburned much land we gotta whip, that—well, we just ain't got time to be puttin' things straight to each other." (Desert Justice)

“Well dadburnit I cain't help it! This confounded couch is plum alive. Everytime I get in another position it sprouts another hair.” (Desert Justice)

“Don’t bother, Barney. I think I can see ya better in the dark than I ever did in the daylight anyhow.” (The Avenger)

"Always like to hear Pa get wound up. He don't do it often." (The Last Trophy)

“You two better just stand right where you are, otherwise you’re gonna be waking up with somebody tapping ya in the face with a spade.” (San Francisco)

"You sold our Pa? How much did you get for him?” (San Francisco)

To Ben: "Sure enough. How much did that little gal get for you?" (San Francisco)

“I’m gonna see if I can rustle me up one of them little fillies.” (Bitter Water)

To Joe, about Ben: “Oh Little Joe, I reckon he must of been a mite more mellower when he was younger." (Feet of Clay)

"Pa, I can still feel them little fists hittin' and hittin' me. And it hurts, Pa. It hurts worse than anything." (Feet of Clay)

"Pa, I got these big hands and I can lift a heifer clean off'n the ground and I can whoop near any man I ever met. But I'd cut'em both off if it'd make that little boy quit lookin' at me like he wanted ta' spit." (Feet of Clay)

When Billy asks if it would be all right to take a donut: "All right? Hop Sing would be downright insulted if there were any left by suppertime. Besides, I'm bigger than him." (Feet of Clay)

"It doesn't matter what your ma or pa was, 'cause they ain't you. They say my ma was a real pretty woman, but that don't mean that people gotta enjoy looking at an ugly cuss like me. . ." (Feet of Clay)

"Remember ma'am, I'm just a growin' boy!" (Showdown)

"Well excuse me all ta' pieces!” (Showdown)

"He's faster than greased lightning.—Show 'im, Joe." (Badge Without Honor)

"Dang it Adam, if I lift anymore I'm gonna lift the whole earth up!" (The Mill)

"Oh, mill stone, grind our wheat! And, oh wheat, make our bread! And, oh bread, make us as bright as our brother Adam!" (The Mill)

About a bearded man: "That fella's sure got a faceful of hay, don't he?" (The Hopefuls)

“I sorta got to likin' this ol' high ol' cookin'. As a matter of fact, I like everything about these folks. I didn't think I could even talk to 'em at first but then I don't reckon they're so much different than the rest of us. None of 'em. “ (The Hopefuls)

To Adam, about Joe: "Didn't I tell you he's short on brains?" (Denver McKee)

To Joe: "An' me an' Adam bein' the charitable fellers we are, we just decided your hide might be worth savin'." (Denver McKee)

About Joe: "You know? I think our brother's comin' down with a real bad case of Loveitis." (Denver McKee)

"Huh . . . I mean sir?" (The Abduction)

About Gunnar: "Yeah. I think he would like being called a Viking." (The Last Viking)

"I reckon the Ponderosa holds 'bout as much claim to us as we do to her…The Ponderosa's gotta mighty lot to give. Like Pa says, we don't take one ounce oughta her that she can't grow back.” (The Courtship)

To Joe: "It's to keep you from getting chased all the way back to the Ponderosa by a hoppin' mad daddy with a shotgun in his hand. And from the way I saw you and that little filly downstairs makin' eyes at each other, that's just about what's gonna happen." (The Courtship)

“He's so drunk he couldn't hit the floor with his hat.” (Bank Run)

Describing the bank owner, John J. Harrison: "He's more crooked than a dog's hind leg." (Bank Run)

"Joe, are you—are you so right sure we're doin' the right thing?" (Bank Run)

"Yeah, but—you done had us robbin' a bank, and now it's destroyin' private property, I—I don't know whether Pa'd consider that comin' under the title of makin' decisions, or not." (Bank Run)

"Joe, you know how my head always itches when somebody's follerin' me?" (Bank Run)

"On foot? Joe, the way I feel, I couldn't catch a turtle on foot." (Bank Run)

"Hey, Pa—how we supposed to get back into Virginia City if we ain't got no horses?" (Bank Run)

"Sort of a — sort of a wiry little man, ain't he?" (Bank Run)

"Dadburn storks are gangin' up on me." (The Tax Collector)

To Ellen: "Just stay there and be calm, like me." (The Tax Collector)

“I don't know what you two are gonna do, but I'm gonna get myself a little closer to the ground. I ain't gonna sit up here like no crow on a fence post.” (The Rescue)

To Adam: "Well, he was a friend then, wasn't he? He didn't die a stranger." (The Dark Gate)

"Pa, I just reckon we didn't know how to say we loved you." (The Gift)

To Cameo: "Cameo, it don't make no difference what I believe. We gotta go by the rules. Otherwise, all the things we ever believed in will mean nothin'." (The Rival)

"I ain't no just plain ol' ordinary piece o' clay that you can just mold into any shape you want. I got feelings on the inside too." (The Rival)

After Mr. Throckmorton says he'll invest $1,000: "I'll be sawed in half with a blackberry vine." (The Infernal Machine)

"Hot dog!" (The Dream Riders)

To the mules: "I'm not gonna do all the work! Dadburn your ornery hides, pull!" (Springtime)

"Lazy as a fat sow in the summertime" (Springtime)

Sarcastically, to Adam: “'Cause you didn't ask me, older brother.” (Springtime)

To Joe: “That's the smartest thing that's been said today.” (Springtime)

About Joe: "Dadburned mule-eared fleabitten biscuit binder!" (The Many Faces of Gideon Flinch)

To Joe: "You're always set to go off half-cocked without hearin' things out, ain't you, little brother?" (The Friendship)

About swordfighting: "I ain't got the figgure for it." (The Frenchman)

“Just because you happen to be the prettiest thing this side of a red wagon don't mean you can put on airs with me!” (The Tall Stranger)

"Yer a miserable human bein', but they don't hang men fer that… but they do fer shootin' down an unarmed man." (The Tall Stranger)

“I don't miss much at this range." (The Ride)

“It might work, Adam. Doggone it, you’re still the brainiest one in the family.” (Gift of Water)

To Lindy Ganther after she said Adam was the handsomest: “Now, look here, Lindy. I thought you was sweet on me. Why, he's ten times too old for you. If you'll settle for me, I'll wait around for you for eight or ten years.” (Gift of Water)

"Would you like to see me juggle some jiggers? I'm a jigger jugglin' son-of-a gun!" (The Wooing of Abigail Jones)

“Well, I’ll tell you what I can do. I can break you apart.” (The War Comes to Washoe)

“You ain’t gonna be using that hand. Why don’t you use your feet and clear on out of town; you’re out of business.” (Elegy for a Hangman)

Hoss: "He can sure run." Ben: “He can sure eat!” (The Hayburner)

“But this out here has always been my world. Smell of fresh pine, silver trout jumpin' in a mountain steam, old Mama bear and her cubs out huntin' in the woods, bacon sizzlin' in a fryin' pan.” (My Brother’s Keeper)

[Explaining why he's in the horse trough]: "I was thirsty, Pa, what else." (The Toy Soldier)

"Well! Looks like you handled that real nice, Joe." (Calamity Over the Comstock)

To Doc Holliday: "You listen to me, Doctor. You touch my little brother, and the only way they'll ever hang you will be piece by piece." (Calamity Over the Comstock)

To Ben: "Little Joe ain't back? Ahh, he's hot tempered, but he's still one of your sons pa." (The Legacy)

“You know, Joe, it's a pretty terrible thing when a feller figures his own kin is plotting behind his back.” (Ponderosa Matador)

“Our brother Adam's a little different, he's sneaky.” (Ponderosa Matador)

"Why Joe, you silly thing you, what you doin' in that trough." (Ponderosa Matador)

“Pa, that ol' bull gave us a terrible time.” (Ponderosa Matador)

"You figure on shootin' her? You ain’t even married yet!" (King of the Mountain)

"If I wrestled like you managed, I'd be in the hospital." (Old Sheba)

"Wow. You sure got a talent for trouble Little Brother." (The Flapjack Contest)

“Hey, Adam. Looks like you got a regular jim-dandy prayer meetin' goin' for ya there, Big Brother.” (Woman of Fire)

On milking a cow: "When you pull north, you gotta aim west." (The Ballerina)

"Joe, I'm gonna sling you plumb through that wall and you're gonna go all the way out to the barn and through that wall and out to the woods and mow down about 10 acres of pine before you plow befer that nose of yours!" (Once A Doctor)

“The greatest teacher of 'em all, is your heart.” (To Kill a Buffalo)

Kathleen Walker: "You aren't married, are ya, Hoss?" Hoss: "No ma'am, not a bit." (A Dollar's Worth of Trouble)

"He's makin' me mad. He's his own worst enemy!" (A Bride for Buford)

Hoss [about Joe]: "He's all wrapped up reading about Scotland Yard." (Joe Cartwright, Detective)

To Joe: "Joe, will you go solve a crime or something!" (Joe Cartwright, Detective)

"Ain't it funny, Pa? A man shoots at a target, an' if he hits it, he's a good shot. He misses it, it's a bad gun." (Judgement at Olympus)

About Joe: "His name is LITTLE Joe Cartwright." (Stage door Johnnies)

To Mme Denise: "Well, I'll tell you, you'll just have to forgive my little brother here ma'am. You see, the finer things in life he just ain't too familiar with." (Stage Door Johnnies)

"Anybody can have a child but that doesn't make him a father!!" (A Dream to Dream)

"You heard all of that hogwash, now listen to mine a while!" (The Last Vote)

To Joe: "Well, sure, she was tensing up against YOU...but she melts for me." (The Lady and the Mountain Lion)

About Joe: "He's always putting his mouth in his foot." (A Lawman's Lot Is Not a Happy One)

"Chicken. Haven't seen a rabbit before?" (Caution, Easter Bunny Crossing)

"Sheriff, I'm as honest as most folks, and a little more honest than some, and when you call me a crook, I take that as an insult." (What Are Pardners For?)

"What did you fellas do? Did you rescue me, or kidnap me?" (What Are Pardners For?)

"Life gets mighty tough at times but if you don't learn to laugh at it, you'll never lick it." (The Reluctant Rebel)

To Clem: "I was practicing, while you were busy trying on hats." (Terror at 2:00)

"Hop Sing, you're just wastin' your time. All you're gonna do is end up with a handful of blisters, and believe me, you're talkin' to the Blister King of Nevada!" (The Lonely Man)
Last edited by CowgirlAtHeart on Sun Nov 18, 2018 6:12 pm, edited 30 times in total.
What, are you practicing to be a burglar, bettin' that kind of money on a two-card draw?Joe, "Queen High"

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